Cell Phones and Text Messages
by Miryang
Summary: Hook's got a phone. His massive plan? Text message harass everyone in Storybrooke. Good thing he can always rely on his ability harass Emma.
1. Hello, Hook

Hehe, this is all my creation.

After _re-_reading **CandyApple75**'s story, _Message Sent_, I've decided to take my own turn in exploring the texting world between Emma, Hook, Cora, Regina, Henry, and all your favorite Storybrooke characters.

Enjoy!

**BTW.. **I like grammar, so with the exception of some chatspeak and auto-correct, everyone is "texting" properly.. at least somewhat properly.

* * *

**Hello, Hook  
**

**Ruby:** i have 2 tell u something..

**Emma: **Ruby, not now. I'm in the middle of something important.

**Ruby: **But this IS important!

**Emma: **Ruby, I said not now!

**Hook: **hello, swan

**Emma: **Holy shit u scared me!

**Ruby: **SEE?! THIS is what i was gonna tell u about!

**Emma: **Fine! I'm sorry I didn't listen 2 u!

**Emma: **Hook, WTF r u doing in Storybrooke WITH A PHONE?!

**Hook: **so this is what u call this .. thingy

**Hook: **interesting

**Emma: **Who gave u the phone?

**Hook: **i'm not sure. oh look! its singing! but how? it has no mouth

**Emma: ***sigh* What is it singing?

**Hook: **um.. i don't know what this song is called but i like it!

**Hook: **can i txt the words 2 u swan?

**Emma: **Yes.. go ahead...

**Hook: **i'm a barbie girl in the barbie world

**Hook: **life in plastic its fantastic

**Hook: **u can brush my hair undress me everywhere

**Hook: **imagination life is ur creation

**Ruby:** O_O

**Emma: **... I have nothing 2 say about this.

**Hook: **wait...does this mean this doll is a ...

**Emma: **... What?

**Hook: **u know. it says undress me everywhere

**Emma: **Hook, it's a DOLL. For LITTLE GIRLS.

**Hook: **then y r the lyrics so inappropriate?

**Emma: **HOOK, I DON'T KNOW.

**Hook: **i'm going 2 buy this barbie doll 4 myself

**Emma: **Hook! NOO!

* * *

**Emma: **Regina?

**Regina: **Yes?

**Emma: **Hook is in town and he's out buying Barbie Dolls...

**Regina: **Excuse me?

**Emma: **Hook is in town and he's out buying Barbie Dolls.

**Regina: **Barbie Dolls?

**Emma: **Yes, did I not make myself clear?

**Regina: **You did, but how come Hook is buying Barbie Dolls?

**Emma: **He thinks they r toys 4 adults...

**Regina: **Oh.

**Regina: **Well, that explains a lot.

**Emma: **Explains what?

**Emma: **I hear Barbie Girl...and Hook is walking down the street.

**Emma: **OMG is his new ringtone BARBIE GIRL?!

**Regina: **It appears so.

**Emma: **omg omg omg omg omg I need 2 tell every1 this!

**Hook: **tell every1 wat?

**Hook: **swan?

**Hook: **emma?

**Hook: **emma?

**Regina: **...

* * *

Hehehe... Hook likes Barbie Dolls now.

More Storybrooke characters will appear in later chapters! :D

_Cora will appear, too! _

And with _Message Sent _in mind, I will also make Cora creepy.

**Review, ducklings. Review. o_o**


	2. Penguins

Thank you for the first two reviews from **Lisa1972**and **CandyApple75**!

I wonder how Hook is faring with his latest Barbie Doll. Let's find out...

* * *

**Penguins**

**Hook:** this barbie doll is amazing

**Emma: **U have a barbie doll

**Hook: **yes it is such an incredible creation. who made it?

**Emma: **I don't wanna know.

**Hook: **hmm ruth handler and mattel

**Hook: **genius! oh did u know cora bought me a ken doll?

**Emma: **Wait...Cora's HERE? In Storybrooke?

**Hook: **yes didn't i say that earlier 2day?

**Emma: **No, u didn't.

**Hook: **oh well. she bought me this ken doll but upon further inspection i realized its not a man

**Emma: **Ken is not a man?

**Hook: **yes he has no pinas

**Emma: **What?

**Hook: **no pinas

**Hook: **hold on. cora's txting me

**Emma: **o.o Cora has a phone?

**Hook: **yes. oh i gave her ur #

**Emma: **o_o What...?

**Cora: **Penguins.

**Emma: **Uhh... what?

**Cora: **I like penguins.

**Cora: **Quack quack.

**Emma: **Uhh...Cora only ducks say quack quack.

**Cora: **Oh, okay. Moo moo?

**Emma: **o.o I'm creeped out here.

**Hook: **cora only cows go moo moo

**Cora: **Ribbit ribbit!

**Emma: **Oh boy...

* * *

**Emma: **Ur mom needs 2 go 2 a mental hospital. I think she might be wacko since she left FTL.

**Regina: **Excuse me? My mom isn't even in Storybrooke.

**Emma: **Haha. That's where ur wrong! Ur mom IS in Storybrooke! Hook told me just now.

**Regina: **How'd my mom get into Storybrooke?

**Emma: **Apparently she hitched a ride w/ Hook.

**Hook: **hello evil queen

**Regina: **Oh...Hook. How's your new Barbie Doll? I hope it suits your fancy.

**Hook: **ooh barbie dolls

**Emma: **Oh no. Not his Barbie Doll again.

**Hook: **my barbie doll is fantastic! i think mine broke when i tried 2 use it in the bathroom though

**Emma: **Bathroom? Really?

**Hook: **it is not my fault barbie dolls r amazing the way they r

**Emma: **Oh yeah. Regina Cora got him a Ken doll.

**Regina: **Oh, really? How fascinating. Tell me more about Ken.

**Hook: **i dont like ken

**Emma: **Dang it! Why'd I say this?

**Regina: **Because you're Emma Swan. Why else do you say things?

**Emma: **...

**Regina: **And why don't you like Ken?

**Hook: **they claim hes male. hes not those liars

**Regina: **Why is Ken not male?

**Emma: **Regina u shouldn't have asked that question.

**Hook: **ken has no pinas and he is w/ barbie

**Hook: **wheres the pleasure in that relationship? if he has no pinas he cant** -**

**Hook: **OW!

**Regina: **Too. Much. Information.

**Regina: **I regret I asked.

**Emma: **What did u do 2 him?!

**Regina: **Slapped him.

**Emma: **What?! How?!

**Regina: **Through the phone.

**Emma: **How. o_o

**Regina: **Magic.

**Emma: **U make it sound so simple.

**Regina: **It is.

**Hook: **uh oh

**Emma: **What?

**Hook: **um... its about regina's mom

**Regina: **And what about my mom?

**Hook: **ur mom is running around the ship screaming caw caw

**Regina: **... Why?

**Emma: **Apparently she thinks penguins make noises like a crow.

**Regina: **Do penguins even make noises?

**Emma: **I dunno.

**Regina: **They.. squawk.

**Emma: **Squawk?

**Regina: **Yes. Here. A YouTube video.

**Emma: **rofl It sounds constipated.

**Hook: **i cant watch this

**Regina: **Why not?

**Hook: **ur mom

**Regina: **Oh, right.


	3. Barbie is My Life

:D :D 9 reviews! OMG.

You guys made my day.

Rumpelstiltskin and Belle make their debut here with a full blown-on texting chat between **Hook**, **Belle**, and **Rumpelstiltskin**!

* * *

**Barbie is My Life  
**

**BarbieIsMyLife: **hello swan

**Emma: **Who is this?

**BarbieIsMyLife: **its captain hook. who else?

**Emma: **Y is ur name BarbieIsMyLife?

**BarbieIsMyLife: **bcuz barbie IS my life?

**Emma: **Oh dear. Those barbie dolls must have really gotten in2 u.

**BarbieIsMyLife: **yes i bought a whole set of them. maybe we could play w/ them?

**Emma: **Don't be so cheeky.

**BarbieIsMyLife: **i think its 2 late 4 that

**Cora: **|:-)

**Emma: **Did she find a new smiley?

**BarbieIsMyLife: **she did

**Cora: **|:-) Unibrows rule.

**BarbieIsMyLife: **im afraid she'll get a makeover and have a unibrow soon

**Emma: **Mid-life crisis. R u ready 2 send out the txt flyers?

**BarbieIsMyLife: **as ready as ever

**Cora: **|:-) Yay for unibrows!

**Cora: **|:-) Unibrows rule.

* * *

**Emma: **WARNING - Cora has gone off her rocker. Watch out 4 a crazy unibrow lady running ur way.

**Snow: **What? Cora came 2 Storybrooke?

**Snow: **Hello?

**Snow: **HELLO?

**Snow: **Y the hell isn't any1 answering me?

**Snow: **HEEEELLLLLLLOOOOO?

**Charming: **Snow, did u take something 2day that u weren't supposed 2?

**Snow: **...

* * *

**BarbieIsMyLife: **WARNING - Cora went cray cray so u better watch out 4 a cray cray unibrow lady running ur way!

**Rumpel: **Excuse me? What does "cray cray" mean?

**Belle: **It means crazy, Rum.

**Rumpel: **Wait. Who is this... BarbieIsMyLife?

**Belle: **I don't know. Do u want me 2 find out 4 u?

**Rumpel: **No thank you. I'd rather not meet a perverted pedophile today.

**Belle: **Alright.

**Belle: **Oh my god.

**Belle: **Oh my god. o_o

**Rumpel: **Belle, what's wrong?

**Belle: **THERE'S THIS UNIBROW LADY RUNNING AROUND IN A PENGUIN COSTUME!

**Rumpel: **... I'm scared.**  
**

**Belle: **Me 2 :(

**Belle: **Did u lock the door?

**Rumpel: **I booby-trapped it.

* * *

**Cora: **Quack quack moo moo honk honk caw caw roar roar hiss hiss!

**Cora: **Gooo penguins!

**Cora: **|:-) Yeah! Penguins with unibrows! Goooooo unibrows! Gooooo penguins!

** Cora: **I love you, unibrows. I love you, too, penguins. I love you...

**Emma: **o_o Um.

**Ruby: **I c what u were saying about Cora

* * *

_Ten minutes later..._

**Emma: **Did Cora leave?

**Ruby: **Yah. She's terrorizing some1 else.

**Emma: **Would it b funny if I turned auto-correct on?

**Ruby: **OMG! Very!

**Emma: **Hehehe. *evil face*

* * *

**Belle: **Is Cora gone?

**Rumpel: **Yes, dear. It's safe to come out now.

**Belle: **What's all that clanking noises?

**Belle: **O.O Did I just hear something TEAR?!

**Rumpel: **Nothing to concern yourself with...

**BarbieIsMyLife: **hey! did u take my barbie dolls?!

**Rumpel: **I might have. Why?

**BarbieIsMyLife: **they were MY dolls

**BarbieIsMyLife: **they cost me over $750

**Rumpel: **Well, then. You shouldn't have bought 60 of them.

**Belle: **How did u get the money 2 buy those dolls anyways?

**BarbieIsMyLife: **i have my ways

**Belle: **Wait. Who r u?

**BarbieIsMyLife: **captain hook

**Belle: **O.O ! Captain Hook?!

**Rumpel: **Captain Hook. *angry face*

**Belle: **WHY IS UR NAME BARBIEISMYLIFE?!

**BarbieIsMyLife: **bcuz those barbie dolls r my life

**BarbieIsMyLife: **my life has become much more brighter w/ them

**BarbieIsMyLife: **they r also very useful

**Belle: **Useful... how?

**BarbieIsMyLife: **i can't let any1 else know... this is my secret

**BarbieIsMyLife: **MY secret o_o

**BarbieIsMyLife: **MINE u hear me?! MINE. o_o

**Belle: **Geez, calm down u creeper.

**Rumpel: **...

**Belle: **U r awfully silent, Rumpel.

**Rumpel: **I... I have nothing to say. o.o

**BarbieIsMyLife: ***angry face* what did u do 2 MY dolls?

**Rumpel: **I booby-trapped my house with them. I'm afraid more than half of the dolls were... destroyed, or killed in the attempt to protect my house from a crazy unibrow lady.

**BarbieIsMyLife: ***shocked angry face* what?! y?!

**Rumpel: **My safety and protection -

**Belle: **Hey! Mine 2!

**Rumpel: **o.o You just cut me off.

**Belle: **U deserved it.

**Rumpel: **As I was saying, OUR safety and protection is much more important than many measly Barbie dolls' lives.

**BarbieIsMyLife: **:000000

**BarbieIsMyLife: **war. u just declared war against me and my faithful barbie dolls

**BarbieIsMyLife: **prepare 2 lose rumpystinkshit!

**Rumpel: **You didn't...!

**BarbieIsMyLife: **RUMPYSTINKSHIT HAS DECLARED WAR AGAINST ME AND MY BARBIE DOLLS

**BarbieIsMyLife: **PREPARE 2 DIEEEEEE!

**BarbieIsMyLife: **OW! AHHH! OWWWWW!

**Belle: **o.o What did u do 2 him!?

**Rumpel: **I just cast a burning spell on him. Very minor.

**Belle: **MINOR?!

**Rumpel: **Yes. Very minor. :)

**Cora: **|:-) Unibrows rule.

**Cora: **|8-) Penguins with unibrows are awesome.

**Cora: **|8-)


	4. Skittles

**snoopykid - **You guessed it. Say hello to Skittles! :D

* * *

**Skittles**

**Barbie4Evr:** y hello there swan

**Emma: **Hook. Really? Barbie4Evr?

**Barbie4Evr: **it was a hassle trying 2 log in w/ the username BarbieIsMyLife

**Cora: **|8-o

**Emma: **Uhh... what's that?

**Cora: **Unibrow penguins eating skittles.

**Emma: **Skittles?

**Cora: **Yes. Skittles.

**Barbie4Evr: **cora discovered skittles and brought them 2 the ship

**Barbie4Evr: **she's gone even more coo coo w/ them

**Emma: **Coo-coo. Really?

**Barbie4Evr: **don't judge me

**Barbie4Evr: **oh btw, watch out 4 flying rainbows

**Emma: **O.O WTF!

**Barbie4Evr: **what happened?

**Emma: **She... she..!

**Cora: **TASTE THE RAINBOW! :D (S)

**Emma: **:00 She pelted me w/ SKITTLES!

**Cora: **AH-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE! |8-o

**Emma: **Argh!

**Barbie4Evr: **they r delicious though

**Emma: **That's true. *eats a skittle*

**Emma: **But she's still not off the hook.

**Barbie4Evr: **she's still not off me? what? cora isn't on me. she's w/ u!

**Emma: **It's an expression Hook.

**Barbie4Evr: **ur american expressions r funny

**Emma: **Shut up Hook. I'm planning my revenge.

**Barbie4Evr: **impossible love. u'll just have 2 make me

* * *

**Regina: **May you please repeat that again?

**Emma: **Cora pelted me w/ skittles and I'm planning my revenge on her.

**Regina: **Oh. Damn it!

**Regina: **!

**Emma: **o.o What's happening?

**Regina: **My mother is at my house.

**Regina: **She pelted me with skittles and she magically made my roof grow thousands and thousands of bags of skittles. Care to explain why?

**Emma: **Hehe... that's not our fault. Talk 2 Hook.

**Barbie4Evr: **what's my fault?

**Regina: **Oh, Hook. You changed your screen name.. well, besides my room continuously growing skittles, my living room floor is being flooded with the candy.

**Emma: **Can't u use magic 2 make it go away?

**Regina: **I can't.

**Emma: **Y not? U r Regina. U can do everything.

**Regina: **Stop the sarcasm, Miss Swan. I can't because these things are just... SO YUMMY. O_O

**Emma: **Holy shit Regina used an emoticon!

**Barbie4Evr: **wow

**Regina: **It isn't my fault. It's Cora's. She got me hooked on these things.

**Cora: **SKITTLES. SO DELICIOUS. |8-o

**Regina: **She's even got a new theme song.

**Cora: **Unibrows and penguins. How they match together! Add a bagful of skittles and POW! You've got UNIBROW PENGUINS EATING SKITTLES GOING CAW CAW CAW AND ROAR ROAR ROAR! UNIBROW PENGUINS EATING SKITTLES GO SNORT SNORT SNORT AND NEIGH NEIGH NEIGH.

**Cora: **Caw caw caw snort snort snort neigh neigh neigh moo moo moo ribbit ribbit ribbit meow meow meow roof roof roof baa baa baa! And a cockle-doodle-dooooooo!

**Regina: **My mother is on a skittle high. She's already downed 250 bags in... 10 minutes.

**Emma: **o_o Holy crap.

**Barbie4Evr: **in 10 minutes i can eat only 2 skittle bags.

**Emma: **Seriously? U r a slow eater. The most skittles I'VE eaten were 29 bags in 10 minutes.

**Regina: **My mother is addicted to sugar...

**Cora: **|8-o

**Emma: **Dammit! Not that again!

**Emma: **It's so... creepy!

**Barbie4Evr: **u can say that again girlfriend!

**Emma: **Seriously Hook? I can see u doing the hip motions 4 that

**Barbie4Evr: **how'd u know?

**Emma: **Bcuz u r Hook. U bought Barbie dolls. I think that's self-explanatory.

**Barbie4Evr: **o.o that's true

**Barbie4Evr: **but u can say that again girlfriend! ;D

**Emma: **Really? Winky happy face? What's wrong w/ u?

**Barbie4Evr: **everything o_o even my feet have gone mental

**Emma: **... Why?

**Barbie4Evr: **they r spazzing out right now. ow. there goes another spazz

**Cora: **Spazz. *contemplates*

**Cora: **Want some skittles, Emma? |8-o They call for your presence, oh high queen of Skittles.

**Cora: **The red ones love you. The blue ones adore you and the purple ones want to lick you.

**Emma: **WTF? LICK me? U r seriously crazy.

**Cora: **No, no! Wait! The green ones want to DEVOUR you.

**Cora: **The yellow ones want to smell you and the orange ones want to MARRY YOU.

**Cora: **TASTE THE RAINBOW!

**Emma: **AHH! I just got magically pelted by a bag of skittles! AGAIN!

**Cora: **They love you so much. |8-o

**Emma: **:|

**Regina: **Mother, shut up.

**Cora: **No. SKIT-lasdfjodwahfowauhlsdal s

**Barbie4Evr: **s ?

**Cora: **s

**Cora: **Skimpy.

**Cora: **Skimpy.

**Cora: **SKIMPY!

**Cora: ***S-K-I-T-T-L-E-S

**Emma: **o.o Regina did u put auto-correct on?

**Regina: **I might've.

**Cora: **Auto catfish.

**Cora: **Digit it!

**Cora: **Rice crackers walrus yak dough face toes melon?!

**Regina: **Mother, I have no idea what you are saying.

**Cora: **Rice crackers!

**Cora: **Fart icicles!

**Cora: **Poop green meow owl otter tub!

**Emma: **ROFL ROFL This is sooo hilarious!

**Barbie4Evr: **i think i will stay in this town 4evr

**Emma: **Don't ruin the mood Hook!

**Cora: **Yellow yellow lumps afar

**Emma: **Hehe. This is so funny. Thank u Regina 4 making my day.

**Regina: **You're very welcome. I must admit, this is very hilarious.

**Cora: **Rice crackers yak arm indigo truffles!

**Cora: **Blue jellybean ribbon head!

**Emma: **XD

**Cora: **Narwhal fingers!

**Regina: **Mother, you are rambling nonsense. Would you like me to fix that for you?

**Cora: **Yak rice crackers! Pigeons dog thumbs fart meow!

**Cora: **Money ca caw caw!

**Cora: **Hooker come mush my shit!

**Emma: **O_O WHAT DID SHE JUST SAY?!

**Barbie4Evr: **wait is hooker ME?!

**Cora: **YUCK

**Barbie4Evr: **O.O she just asked me to...

**Emma: **Yeah... 'kay well bye Hook!

**Cora: **HOOKER COME MUSH MY SHIT! NOW!

**Barbie4Evr: **o_o *runs away*


	5. Everyone Has a Secret, Right?

**OMG OMG OMG**. Did you see last week's **and **_this _week's episode of OUAT?! **AAAAHHHHH! **So many plot twists and turns. O.O I hope Neal's fiancee gets her ass kicked later on... I don't really like her. She just gives off a... really annoying vibe.

_Anyways..._

I'm back from a major case of writer's block. No ideas were popping up until now.

Due to my awkward writer's block, Regina is OOC. I hope you do not mind.

I also had #thatPOWER, by will-i-am (stupid FF formatting), feat. Justin Bieber stuck in my head and Regina was also there so... JUST READ AND YOU'LL GET THE PICTURE!

I've also updated Ho'omaka hou 'ana, Dearly Beloved, and Disturbia. There's also a surprise for all your NCIS fans out there. Check out Jordana.

You don't wanna hear me, so...

Enjoy~

* * *

**Everyone Has a Secret, Right?**

**Hook: **i know

**Emma: **U know what?

**Hook: **i know ur deepest and darkest secret

**Emma: **Hook I have no idea what u r talking about

**Hook: **u r lying i can tell i can smell ur lies from miles away!

**Emma: **R u high?

**Hook: **high? what is high?

**Emma: **Uhh nothing

**Hook: **y wont u tell me

**Emma: **Bcuz I don't have 2?

**Hook: **fine b a meany

**Hook: **meany meany meany

**Hook: **MEANY

**Hook: **i still know ur secret tho

**Emma: **WHAT SECRET?!

**Hook: **oh stop lying i know u have a barbie doll!

**Emma: **...

**Emma: **How did u find out about that?

**Hook: **i snooped through ur things

**Emma: **U snooped through MY things?!

**Hook: **yah theres nothing wrong w/ that

**Hook: **y u so cray-cray about it

**Emma: **I'm not being crazy about it! U snooped through MY things!

**Hook: **well u shouldnt be ashamed. ur barbie doll is soo old

**Hook: **wat did u do 2 the poor barbie doll? :( HUH?!

**Emma: ***sigh* I had it when I was a baby. What's w/ it 2 u?

**Hook: **a baby? y?

**Emma: **Long story. I don't wanna talk about it.

**Hook: **ok i'll just go ask snow

**Emma: **NOOOOO! DON'T!

**Emma: **Hook?

**Emma: **HOOK?!

* * *

**Hook: **hello snow

**Snow: **Hook.

**Snow: **What do u want?

**Hook: **y does emma have a barbie doll?

**Snow: **...

**Snow: **IDK.

**Hook: **IDK?

**Snow: **Yes. IDK.

**Hook: **wat does IDK mean?

**Snow: **i don't know..

**Hook: **y don't u know what IDK means?!

**Snow: **I

**Snow: **DON'T

**Snow: **KNOW

**Hook: **all right all right fine fine b that way

**Snow: **u r a dumbass

**Hook: **thank u

**Hook: **wait

**Hook: **what?!

**Hook: **snow? snow?! snooooowwww!?

* * *

**Hook: **regina can u do me a favor?

**Regina: **What is it you want, Hook?

**Hook: **i need u 2 find out y emma has a barbie doll

**Regina: **...

**Hook: **i heard something dropping from a mile away. r u ok?

**Regina: **Emma... she has a barbie doll?

**Hook: **yes y do u ask? i just said that

**Regina: **Ooh... I'll help you.

**Hook: **oh no :(

**Hook: **i sense the Evil-Regina-Who-Is-Ready-To-Blackmail-Innocent-Peo ple mode

**Regina: **...

**Hook: **STOP DROPPING THINGS!

**Regina: **HOW DID YOU SENSE MY EVIL MODE?! AND HOW DID YOU KNOW I DROPPED SOMETHING?!

**Hook: **i live w/ ur mom on a boat

**Regina: **Oh. Right.

**Hook: **yah

**Regina: **Fine, I'll help you only if you get my mom to stop MAKING MY ROOF RAIN SKITTLES ONTO MY LIVING ROOM!

**Cora: **Skittles aren't that bad. :)

**Cora: **SKIIIITTTTTTLEEEEEESSSSS!

**Hook: **i heard something poof

**Regina: **Hook, I will calmly ask you this before I start sounding OOC and Emma jumps into this conversation.

**Emma: **Who said my name?

**Hook: **yes? :)

**Regina: **STOP BEING A CREEPY STALKER.

**Hook: **:(

**Emma: **Hook's a creepy stalker?

**Regina: **NO ONE CALLED YOU HERE, SWAN!

**Emma: **Geez prickly much.

**Hook: **u took my livelihood away

**Regina: **I thought Barbie dolls were your livelihood?

**Hook: **yah that's #1

**Hook: **but i luv my creepy stalker mode

**Hook: **that's how i found out emma has a barbie doll

**Hook: **and.. *sends Regina a picture*

**Regina: ***views picture* ...

**Regina: **That's me. Dancing to #thatPOWER. How did you get this? ...

**Hook: **:)

**Regina: **Please. Don't do that. You're going to turn into Cora if you do.

**Hook: **:)

**Cora: **:) Good job, my apprentice. You have learned the ways of Novice-Creepy-Cora.

**Hook: **yay :)

**Regina: **Hook, you better not send this video to ANYONE!

**Hook: ***sends* oops :( i think i accidentally sent it. im sorry

**Regina: **... ! O.O

**Hook: **dang regina used an emoticon

**Regina: **I will murder you. I will rip off your eyeballs with my toenails...

**Hook: **scary ;)

**Hook: **its 2 late tho. every1 in storybrooke has this video

**Regina: **... *karate chops magically through phone*

**Hook: ***splat* :( u turned my barbie doll into mush

**Hook: **guess its time for plan B

* * *

OK, this is probably the _most confusing _chapter I've _EVER _written. Like. Ever.

I'm sorry. D:

And what's Plan B? I think this chapter has some purpose besides being a... *coughs sadly*

possible filler. :(

To answer a question:

_Is Neal ever going to be in this story?_

Of course he is! He's coming. Soon. I promise.

Also...

I will post about that #thatPOWER Regina video in Chapter 6.

**R&R**! Tell me if you think this chapter sucked or not. I think it did. xD


	6. Cora, Crack, Run

Yes! Thanks for all your reviews! I just need EIGHT more until I reach 50 reviews! :D Let's see if we can make that goal (or higher!).

This chapter is where _Neal_ makes a SLIGHT/MINOR debut! Read and enjoy!

* * *

**Cora + Crack = Run  
**

**Snow:** How was ur trip 2 NY Emma?

**Emma: **.-. Horrible!

**Charming: **Aww, y sweetheart?

**Emma: **I met Neal

**Snow: **Neal who?

**Emma: **Neal Cassidy. He's Henry's father.

**Charming: **O.O WHAT?!

**Charming: **This means I have some1 2 kill! MWHAHAHA! YES! FINALLY!

**Emma: **...

**Snow: **o_o

**Henry: **Gramps is everything ok?

**Charming: **Yah Henry. Y?

**Henry: **I heard u pull out ur gun at school

**Charming: **What? o_o It's a GUN not a sword

**Henry: **There was this loud CLANG! along with reeaally noisy leather fumbling and u were screaming MWHAHA!

**Emma: **Henry shouldn't u be in school?

**Henry: **Weelll, dad picked me up early from school

**Emma: **What?

**Henry: **He said we needed father-son bonding time

**Henry: **Oh gotta go! Dad's calling me! Bye!

**Emma: **Wait! Henry! Henry!

**Emma: **HENRY!

**Snow: **Oh no...

**Charming: **Does this mean I don't get 2 kill Neal? :(

**Emma: **No. He's mine. *angry face*

**Charming: **ok :(

**Emma: **Dad put the gun back in its holster

**Charming: **But-

**Emma: **NOW

**Charming: **D: !

**Snow: **It's ok honey. U'll get ur chance next time .

**Charming: **Yes... :D !

**Charming: **Unleash the rage. MWHAHAHA!

**Snow: **Next time we're not giving u anymore crack

* * *

**Emma: **What r u doing w/ my son Neal Cassidy?

**Neal: **Bonding w/ him

**Henry: **Hi mom! Dad got me cotton candy :D

**Emma: **That's... sweet Henry

**Henry: **I know right?!

**Rumpel: **Sorry to break away family bonding time. I must converse with my son.

**Neal: **AAAHHH! Don't leave me w/ him! :(

**Rumpel: **Now, now, Bae. You don't want to cause a scene do you?

**Neal: **:(

**Neal: **no :(

**Rumpel: **Good. Now come with papa.

**Neal: **ok :)

* * *

_Two seconds later..._

**Emma: **o.O That was awkward

**Henry: **Mom

**Emma: **Yah?

**Henry: **Y is Cora running around with a life sized unicorn doll?

**Emma: **What?

**Henry: **Look!

**Emma: **omfg

**Cora: **Do u know the unicorn song? ~:3

**Emma: **What? Is that a UNICORN emoticon?

**Cora: ~**:3 Unicorn love.

**Henry: **o.o

**Cora: **Unicorns I love them, unicorns I love them. Uni, uni unicorns I looooove them! Uni unicorns I could pet one.

**Cora: **If they were really real and they are! So I bought one so I can pet it! Now it loves me, now I love it! La la la la la la la!

**Emma: **Cora did u take ur meds 2day?

**Cora: **What meds?

**Emma: **Well I see u holding ur pill bag w/ what appears 2 be ur constipation powder (conveniently colored white)

**Cora: **My constipation powder is in my purse. :)

**Emma: **U don't have a purse

**Cora: **Exactly. Mwhaha. })

**Emma: **Omg please don't tell me u have COCAINE

**Cora: **So that is what this powdery thing is called? I always assumed it was unicorn horn powder.

**Emma: **Wait... u've been taking COCAINE since u came 2 Storybrooke?

**Cora: **Yes. A nice young fellow just outside the Storybrooke border handed me the bag. He told me it was good for my health.

**Emma: **And that obviously led u 2 unicorns

**Cora: **I don't have to explain myself to you! You're not my mom!

**Cora: **WAAA-CHAAAAA! WATATATATATATATATA! *attempts to do crazy ninja karate moves on Emma*

**Emma: **Woah o_o *manages to dodge mentally unstable Cora on cocaine*

**Cora: **WAAAAAHHHH-CHAAAAMMMM! SUPER CORA KIIIIIIICCCCKK! *does super ninja kick; ends up kicking Rumpelstiltskin on the head*

**Rumpel: **O_O ! Who kicked me on the head?!

**Cora: **WAAAH-CHAAA! This is for the unicorns! *does super crazy Cora attack on Rumpel*

**Rumpel: **o_o

**Rumpel: ***puts up a freezing spell; Cora super kicks her way out*

**Rumpel: **D: !

**Rumpel: ***runs all around town* My magic doesn't work against her! What's going on?!

**Henry: **I think the drugs r affecting both of u

**Emma: **I think so 2 Henry

**Emma: **This town clearly has issues

**Emma: **Mental ones

**Henry: **That was a terrible pun mom

**Henry: **:|

* * *

**Cora: **Cora + Crack = match made in heaven

**Emma: **Cora + Crack = run 4 ur fucking lives

**Cora: **Cora + Crack = Cora/Crack babies

**Emma: **... Do I need 2 involve Regina into this?

**Regina: **Too late. By texting my mother my name, you've already involved me into whatever you're doing.

**Regina: **I really have no interest in being here.

**Emma: **The here? **-**

**Regina: **To clear my name of whatever devious tricks you accuse me of.

**Emma: **I'm srry.. what? Cora and I were arguing about her cocaine use

**Regina: **My mother takes cocaine?

**Emma: **Yeah

**Regina: **Why am I not surprised?

**Emma: **Becuz u clearly have mental issues along w/ ur mother

**Regina: **Excuse me. I am in PERFECT mental health, unlike you and the rest of your family.

**Emma: **Psh, says the daughter of a unicorn obsessed woman.

**Cora: **I want to have Coracorn babies. ~:3 *****

**Cora: **I think I might succeed in my goal.

**Regina: **How so, mother? *bored*

**Cora: **I just had sex with a unicorn. ~:3

**Emma: **O.O

**Regina: **Excuse me?

**Cora: **I am going to have Coracorn babies! WOOHOO!

**Emma: **See what I mean Regina?

**Regina: **I clearly do NOT have mental issues though.

**Regina: **Oh my god a unicorn... . *follows*

**Emma: **Regina?

**Emma: **Regina?

**Emma: **Oh my god please don't tell me ur going 2 have unicorn babies 2 e.o

**Regina: **That unicorn... was so adorable. IT WILL BE MINE.

**Regina: **THAT UNICORN WILL BE MINE!

**Regina: **MWHAHAHAHA!

**Cora: **MWHAHAHAHAHA! Unicorns forever! Coracorn babies for life! ~:3

**Emma: **o_o I'm outta here

* * *

*** **OK, you guys might not know this but when Ke$ha told Ryan Seacrest that she had sex with a ghost, this is a reference to that.

**- **This should say, "Then why are you here?" Apparently FF doesn't want that to happen. *cough*

Haha, I got the Unicorn Song from Despicable Me. o3o

Yeeaahh... that emoticon doesn't look like a unicorn at all. Oh well. XP

**R&R**! I hope this chapter didn't suck as well. . Cora seemed waay too OOC for my liking, but this is how the chapter came out and will be. Meh.


End file.
